It occurs to me that in the two years that I've been blogging, I've talked about school and about my research area kind of roughly but I've never actually mentioned my area of specialty, which is evolutionary approaches to psychology and cognitive science. So I thought I'd introduce everyone to my interests by posting an interview with E.O. Wilson, the founder of sociobiology, which morphed into the more contemporary evolutionary psychology championed by people such as John Tooby, Leda Cosmides, Jerome Barkow, and Dan Buss. Now I do think that all the people listed are at least kind of wrong but this interview is still a good start.
Friday Not-So-Random Ten: Best Drinking Songs Edition.
I realized it's been forever since I've done any music listing, but I thought that instead of just letting my MP3 player randomly spew songs at me I would do the song choosing to fit a theme that I wanted. So for the triumphant return of Friday song listing. Here are the best ten drinking songs ever.
10. Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk to Fuck 9. Sublime - 40oz. to Freedom 8. Mojo Nixon - Beer Ain't Drinkin' 7. Corb Lund Band - Time to Switch to Whiskey 6. Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon - Are You Drinkin' With Me Jesus? 5. Reverend Horton Heat - Sue Jack Daniels 4. Mighty Mighty Bosstones - Rascal King 3. Tom Waits - The Piano Has Been Drinking 2. NOFX - Bottles to the Ground 1. Any song that you friend Barry's Newfie uncle taught you.
Normally when I read about religious figures in the news, it's always a matter of something bad (like child molestation or protesting at funerals) or something tremendously stupid (like someone declaring that there's a war against Christianity, or trying to suggest keeping intelligent design out of science classes is censorship). However, today I read about an Italian Cardinal who made the news for being so sensible (you know that things are a little off when you make the news for being sensible). Here's a few snippets from the article:
The former Archbishop of Milan, Cardinal Carlo Maria Martini, said condoms, when used by married couples, were a "lesser evil" than passing on the disease to more people.
"A spouse infected with Aids is obliged to protect the other partner who also has to be able to protect herself,"
Using condoms to prevent AIDS! Who'd ever think that a senior member of the Catholic hierarchy would say something so reasonable?
Cardinal Martini also pledged his support for legal abortions and the use of frozen embryos to enable single women to produce children. "It is difficult for a modern state not to intervene, at least to prevent a brutal, arbitrary situation from developing," he said, adding that the legalisation of abortion, which occurred in Italy in 1978, had been a "positive" development in that it had "contributed to reducing and eliminating illegal abortions."
Preventing clothes hanger abortions by giving women a safe and regulated alternative? I'm definitely picking up what this guy is putting down.
(Cardinal Martini said) he would not condemn people who are involved out of "altruism" at the request of people who wish to end their lives (i.e. cases of assisted suicide/euthanasia).
And this guy isn't the Pope? If this guy wore the Papal crown, I'd convert to Catholicism tomorrow. Well, maybe the whole not believing in God thing might get in the way....
Anyhow, there needs to be far more religious figures like Cardinal Martini and fewer that are like Pat Robertson, Fred Phelps, and Tom Cruise.
I've quit smoking now for three years and look at what the below quiz says about my relationship with tobacco:
The Moderate Smoker You scored 62 Nic-fit Factor!
You, the moderate smoker, are likely to regularly smoke a good brand of full-flavored cigarettes. You probably know your way around other forms of tobacco as well, and you could probably get ahold of some cubans if you felt the urge. You are well-experienced in the world of tobacco, and are more than capable of keeping up with some of the heaviest of smokers.
The difference between you and heavier users is self-control, being that you have some.
Be sure to rate the test, thanks!
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
I was sitting around thinking about my impending move and it struck me that I was moving to the midwestish city in a Republican state on the Kentucky border, which I assumed was smack in the middle of the US bible belt. Immediately I had flashes of raging bands of evangelical Christians chasing me with their pitch forks and bibles demanding that I repent my sins and embrace the savior.
However, PZ Myers of Pharyngula fame has disabused me of my irrational fear of religious mobs trying to convert me. It seems that Cincinnati happens to be in, what I would like to call, a Godless Heathen Zone. You don't know how relieved I am to discover that. I was almost expecting to burned at the stake for my blasphemous "evolutionist" views.
P.S. I think the term "evolutionist" is stupid.
P.P.S. I feel kind of bad for PZ 'cause he seems to be stuck in a Super Religious Hate Evolution Zone.
For today's installment of Macho Dating Advice for Women I thought I'd change it up a little. Instead of going over someone else's advice and noting why it's utterly stupid, I've decided that I would find questions posted on advice sites. Those sites always give those sickeningly sweet "it's him not you" bullshit answers to people's questions. Well those aren't the types of answers that I'm going to give, because in my opinion it's most definitely you not him that's the problem.
So here we go. Here's the first question that I found at About.com:
I saw my Godmother's nephew who I had always had a crush on and he asked me for my number and told me he always liked me as well and really wanted to spend time with me. He called me that night and we hooked up, he asked me to call him the next day and I did and we spoke a few times that day and we spoke again the next day and he said he would call me back and he hasn't yet. I know the phrase "He's just not that into you", but he told me after we hooked up he felt lucky and that my ex-boyfriend was a lucky guy. What is going on?
Your ex-boyfriend is lucky because he got rid of you. Your Godmother's nephew feels lucky 'cause he's getting away from you. You must really suck in bed if he ditched you as soon as you "hooked up" with him. Either that or you smell kind of bad. Not bad enough that he noticed right away but bad enough that when he got close to you it made him somewhat nauseous and as such he really doesn't want to get that close to you again. Dosing yourself with patchouli isn't the same as taking a shower you stinky hippy.
P.S. It's also kind of sad that you have to resort to dating the relatives of family friends. That there's already a sign that there's something wrong.
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for two days and I always thought that once you start dating things come easier but every time we are around each other we feel a bit weird and don't know what to say. Is that bad or just normal?
You've been dating for two days and you're calling him your boyfriend and you're already asking for dating advice online from complete strangers? You know what your problem is? You're a psycho. Next.
I don't ask very many questions and I met this guy, Mike, who wants me to ask some questions to get to know him and his personality better. I really like him what are some good questions to ask him. I know he is interested in me because of his best friend. I am 18 and he is 19 we have know each other for a few weeks now. Thank you for your help.
Ask him why he dates idiots then let me know what he says.
I've found another reason to think that biblical literalists are nuts. Here it is (it's a quote about an Ipsos-Reid poll in the National Post):
In Canada, 20% agreed with the statement that "the world will end in the Battle of Armageddon between Jesus and the Antichrist." In the United States, 46% answered in the affirmative.
I don't know about you but I find it rather alarming that 1 in 5 Canadians and nearly 1 in 2 Americans not only believe that the world will end in a battle between Jesus and the Antichrist but would say so to a public opinion poll. That's the kind of idea you hear from schizophrenic people who are off their meds.
Have you ever thought it would be awesome if you could catch cow farts? I know I have. I mean, cows go around all day stinking up the joint with their flatulence, which, by the way, contributes to global warming. It's about time that someone did something about it.
A good article about one of the stupider things promoted by alternative "medicine".
Now I must admit I'm a guy who holds a grudge especially when it comes to debates where the people I'm debating with are being idiots.
That's sort of what this post is about, something like three years ago I somehow got into an argument with a proponent of alternative "medicine" who was trying to suggest that the kernels of apricot seeds can cure cancer and that the "western medical establishment" was suppressing the information about it so they could sell more drugs. Now anyone else would have simply called that person a moron and moved on. However, I managed to get into a running debate with them that lasted for several months.
So when I came across an article from the BBC today noting how consumption of apricot kernels can kill your ass I couldn't help but post it here.
Watchdog warns over apricot seeds
Some claim apricot seeds can cure cancer Apricot stones sold for health benefits could be fatal in high doses, the food safety watchdog has warned. Apricot kernels are thought to contain high levels of vitamin B17, which is described as an immune system booster and even sold as a cancer treatment.
But the Food Standards Agency said they also produce cyanide and can be poisonous in high doses.
It is now recommending that people consume no more than two bitter apricot kernels in a single day.
An FSA spokesman said there were reports from overseas of "very serious health effects" being associated with the consumption of 20 to 30 kernels in a short period of time.
He added: "They could be potentially lethal in high enough doses."
Natural food retailer Julian Graves was selling packs with a recommended daily dose of 10 kernels and has since pulled them from its shelves.
It said it had begun selling the apricot kernels due to customer demand and would do so again with a revised recommended dosage if the food watchdog gave it permission.
The seeds however are also available through specialist websites.
Cancer Research UK says of vitamin B17: "According to claims made on the Internet, this substance found in apricot pips is a highly active compound that can cure cancer.
"Unfortunately this is simply not true. The whole reason for the existence of Cancer Research UK is to find cures for cancers.
"If simply eating apricot seeds could cure cancer, no one would be more delighted than us."
With all the effort and resources that go into medical research I can't understand why some people think that medical problems as complex cancer can be cured by something as simple as eating seeds. If it was that easy we'd have cured cancer by now.
To be completely honest I've never thought highly of the Ivy League schools. It just always struck me that they were a little overrated. Sure, they're good schools but there are, in my opinion at least, a lot of non-Ivy League schools that are way better but are overshadowed by institutions such as Harvard, Yale, and Cornell.
However, whatever my feelings about them, the Ivy League has in the past generally been a bastion of higher learning, which I could at least respect if not feel fondly about. This though has changed.
People keep talking about a supposed "war on Christianity" but really, from the way it seems to me there's a war on the part of biblical literalists against even a modicum of rational thought and enlightenment. Moreover, it seems that they're actually gaining ground. If there's a sign that there needs to be more funding for science education, it's the increasing support for idiotic "theories" like Intelligent Design.
I mean, ID has made it into the Ivy League?
I remember less than five years ago the mere suggestion that someone working in biology or the philosophy of biology could harm their reputation sufficiently to have serious negative effect upon their careers.
Well now I've heard back from all the various departments that I've applied to (with the exception of FSU and Indiana University) and I've made my decision that it's the University of Cincinnati that's the most appealing to me. While some of the other programs might have been ranked higher by people like the Philosophical Gourmet. UC has the faculty with the best mix of research interests (at least for a person like me who gets all excited and stuff about phil of biology and phil of neuroscience).
So in the fall I'll be off to a town that's apparently known (appropriately enough) as "Porkopolis". So, that being the case, does anyone have any insights about Cincinnati that might be helpful for a displaced Canadian?
I've decided that there is far too much sausage on this site. From what I've seen nearly every single reader of this blog is a dude. As such I thought I would have a feature for the ladies and perhaps build up the estrogen levels around here a little. Sure this site's mostly about being macho but the ladies can be macho too.
That and I felt that I needed a replacement for my old Liberal Eye for the Conservative Guy feature (which went defunct because I think the people at Hannidate found out what I was doing and as thus changed the format to make it more difficult to poke fun at the losers).
However, I'm far too lazy to actually come up with advice of my own. So instead I'm just going to dig into the mounds of bad dating advice on the internet aimed at the ladies and make a few friendly criticisms.
For example, I ran across a list of the 10 pick-up lines that MSN thought would help ladies win over dudes. All I can say is that MSN must be staffed by ladies who live on the island of Lesbos because they've obviously never talked to men before. Here's what they came up with (followed by my comments):
"Hi." It seems obvious, but if you make a habit of being friendly across the board, you'll find it easier to start a conversation with someone that really interests you. Sure, you might end up chit-chatting with some random guy you have no interest in, but meeting someone you like is equally possible. And why not hone your conversation skills in the meantime?
"Hi"? "Hi"?!?! "Hi" isn't a pick-up line. Dolts. Pick-up lines are things like "Howya doin'?" and "Your legs must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all night". "Hi" is a fucking greeting. Stupid MSN.
"Can you close my bracelet for me?" Or "Can you help with this crossword puzzle answer?" or any other plea for assistance. "A guy wants to feel like a provider," says Copeland. "If he can be a hero in your eyes, even for a moment, it'll make his day." And that's sure to ratchet up his interest in you, the one who made him feel that way.
How about "I'm totally fucking useless, I can't put on my own jewelry, am illiterate, and when we're together you'll be at my beck and call 'cause I'm a little princess who can't do shit for myself." That'll totally pick-up guys. Idiots....
"That's a cool pocket-watch. Where'd you get it?" Ask an open-ended question (one that requires more than a grunt for an answer) that makes him get talkin' -- and keep the conversation going from there. (Did he tell you his girlfriend gave him the pocket watch? Keep talking anyway -- he might have a cute brother!)
Who the fuck wears a pocket watch? Who are you trying to pick up, an eighty year old? That's kind of creepy. Sicko. It's even creepier that you're considering dating an eighty year old's brother.
"Don't you think Batman's cooler than Superman because he doesn't have super-powers to fall back on?" Let him be an expert. If a guy is reading something that you know about -- a newspaper story, a novel, or a comic book you remember fondly -- comment on it and let him show you how much he knows.
Sister, don't pick up dudes at Comicon. You can do better. Picking up someone at Comicon is barely better than picking someone up at a Magic: The Gathering tournament.
"You've got an iPod. Should I get the Nano or the 30 gig?" "Guys are gearheads," says Copeland. "They love to talk about mechanical things."
See, there's this thing about straight guys, they like dating girls. So if you're trying to pick up a straight guy, don't try to be like a guy. Sure I like talking about gadgets and machines and various things that make noise but that's what I talk to dudes about. Unless you want to be viewed as the girl that's one of the guys, I'd suggest talking about something not gadget related.
"Do you think that couple over there is on their first date, or what?" Commenting on something nearby can make a guy feel like he's in the cool crowd with you. But try to be careful about making fun of someone -- that might be his best buddy puffing on that stinky cigar.
Unless you want to get a "How the fuck should I know?" and a "Who the fuck are you?" as an answer don't ask stupid questions. Also I have no idea why the MSN lady thought that asking a guy whether he thinks a couple is on their first date would make him feel like he's in the cool crowd with you. Being a guy I can safely say that any guy wouldn't give a flying fuck whether two strangers are on a first date. I guess apathy is the in thing nowadays....
"Can I sit with you so I won't get hit on?" Not only are you asking for help, you're hammering home the fact that you're desirable. Once you've enlisted his services, you've got a captive audience and can even offer him a "thank you" drink without appearing too forward.
Isn't the point of picking up getting hit on? If you're trying to pick up don't you want your potential target to feel free to hit on you? That being the case don't you think it's counter-productive to tell your potential suitor that you don't want to be hit on? TV must make people stupid and the MSN lady must watch a lot of it....
"This new Snickers bar is fabulous. You've got to try it." Not only do you seem generous by sharing your candy/cocktail/mixed nuts, you're also awakening his senses -- very sexy indeed.
Really weird and potentially fat. That's the impression that starting a conversation by talking about candy bars is going to give anyone you talk to. No one should be that excited about a Snickers bar.
"So, what are you doing here?" When you meet at an event where you're bound to know someone in common -- whether it's a wedding or just a backyard barbecue -- you can use the old so-who-do-you-know game to pave the way to a real conversation.
"So who are you, the police?" Perhaps the best way to pick someone up is not to be all interrogational. Also, most guys have had at least one of those insanely jealous/suspicious girlfriends who seems to almost always show up at various guys-night-out events and get all psycho as the result of a little innocent drinking of champagne off of a stripper's breasts. No one wants to date that chick.
"I never do this, but I think you're cute and I got tired of waiting for you to talk to me." When all else fails, there's nothing wrong with the direct approach. In fact, it's Copeland's favorite. "The drawback is that you're more vulnerable to rejection," he admits. But we're strong, capable women, right? Next fish in the sea, please!
This one actually isn't bad. It might work. Though it's nowhere as good as, "Nice ass, do you mind if I touch it?"
That's the best pick-up line ever. I mean Tom Cruise had that lady in Jerry McGuire at "hello" but almost any girl could have any guy at "Nice ass, do you mind if I touch it?".
So there's your lesson for today ladies, I can guarantee you dating success if you take my advice.
Since people keep insisting on suggesting that the poor guy who blew himself up in that Toronto Tim Horton's restaurant is a terrorist I'm going to insist that the whales are fighting back seeking retribution for centuries of commercial whaling.
It seems that whales routinely collide with Japanese ferries (which is awfully convenient considering that Japan is one of the two countries, that I know of, that still allows commercial whaling). In the most recent incident 49 passengers on a Japanese ferry were injured, 13 critically.
The Norwegians better look out, their time is coming soon.
Sunday Night Fights: Fedor Emelianenko vs Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic
It strikes me that if I'm going to blog about mixed martial arts, I really should have a regular feature that showcases what I think are the best fights that have been fought. So to start this off, here's the match between Mirko "Cro Cop" (brush cut & shorts with pattern on front right) and Fedor Emelianenko (shaved head & black shorts with writing on the ass), two of the most well rounded fighters in the MMA scene right about now. It's not the most exciting fight ever but it's a nice display of skill and tactical countering on the part of "Cro Cop".
Today I saw an commercial that advertised the best product of all time! The bible on DVD!!! Seventy two hours of scriptural recitation. That's an entire long weekend of fun for everyone! That's a whole lot of Jesus for less than $25.
I know what I want for Christmas!
This is the best thing since that whole free Lamb of God video thing (which, in case you were wondering, I did order).
P.S. I really should watch TV more often. Tonight I also saw the best series of commercials. The first was one for an employment agency, which was followed by a commercial for a company that helps people reduce debt, which in turn was followed by a commercial for a loan company. Ahhh, the joys of TV. Like a friend of mine once said, "those who pay too much attention to the world don't know what they're missing on TV."
Through fark.com I found a quite interesting site about the origami of Robert J. Lang. I must admit that I've previously been nearly completely ignorant of origami. Indeed, all I really knew about it was that my mom can make paper cranes. However, after purusing Lang's site, I've come to the decision that origami is totally awesome. Not only are there some seriously cool paper creations featured on the site, there's some seriously cool math, which I know at least one or two of you will like to read over.
Some of you might remember that back a couple weeks ago I was excited that I had completed editing my thesis. However, my celebration was apparently a little premature. This week I met with my supervisor who noted that two sections of my thesis were not clear. The problem is that one of the sections is my entire last chapter. This means that I will have to completely rewrite my final chapter for a sixth time. Stupid editing. I hate it so much.
Well at least it's an issue of poor writing rather than an issue of poor ideas. Poor writing is easy to fix, if instead it was just that I was wrong or wrong-headed in my suggestions that would suck a lot more.
Fuck I hate creationists. Those dirty goat fucking sons of bitches. From the Gazette:
McGill University says the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council made a "factual error" when it denied Professor Brian Alters a $40,000 grant on the grounds that he'd failed to provide the panel with ample evidence that Charles Darwin's theory of evolution is correct.
Jennifer Robinson, McGill's associate vice-principal for communications, said the university has asked the SSHRC to review its decision to reject Alters's request for money to study how the rising popularity in the United States of "intelligent design" - a controversial creationist theory of life - is eroding acceptance of evolutionary science in Canada.
The planned project, submitted last year to the council, is titled Detrimental effects of popularizing anti-evolution's intelligent design theory on Canadian students, teachers, parents, administrators and policymakers.
Alters, director of McGill's Evolution Education Research Centre, told CanWest News Service yesterday he was shocked at SSHRC's response and that it offers "ironic" proof that his premise about intelligent design gaining a foothold in Canada is correct.
Now I've always thought that SSHRC was a bit capricious when it comes to what they fund (indeed they shot me down but funded some stupid sociological study about comic books, I mean sociology isn't even an academic field). However, when they refuse to fund a project about the erosion of science by creationism and ID because the guy didn't prove that evolution is true, that's going from capricious to just plain stupid.
One thing that most of you probably don't know about me, given that it never came up in the context of my other blog, is that I'm a great lover of mixed martial arts (MMA). It's something that I've been quite fond of since my childhood. When I was younger I studied kick-boxing and karate under a sensei who strongly believed (way before it became a common view) that the best fighters were generalists and not specialists. As such he used to train us in a wide variety of skills. Though he was primarily a kick-boxer (I think he was the Canadian light-heavyweight champ for a while), he was also versed in wrestling and judo, skills which he believed that we all should learn.
So before there was really a mixed martial arts scene in North America, my fellow students and I had already had a fair amount of training in MMA (it was that training that led us to sweep open styles Muay Thai tourneys such as the Battle of the Rocky Mountains, etc).
So when the scene broke with events such as the Ultimate Fighting Championship, I was hooked. I've been watching the UFC since it's inception and their new reality series The Ultimate Fighter, is one of the few shows that I actually follow (and I follow it religiously). So now that I have a new blog that has a more open format, I'm going to take this opportunity to have you all follow the show as well.
So far only the first episode has aired so I don't really have much to say. However, for the record, from what little I've seen I think there are several fighters to watch for. I think that this season Michael Bisping, Matt Hammill, and the lone Canadian/Noam Chomsky fan Kalib Starnes are going to do well (Starnes dominated his first fight against a rather lacklustre Mike Stine).
Maybe one of the poets in the face off read this blog....
Okay, first of all let me say that I'm disappointed. No profanity laced haikus about violence? Really, you guys are bringing down the macho levels around here.
However, I think I might have spoke a little too soon in my last post. There is one poet who's not totally lame at the CBC face-off, D'Janau Morales. She knows the true poetic beauty of punching people in the face and the word "fuck".
Today I had the misfortune of listening to the "National Annual Poetry Face-Off" on CBC radio. The only thing that was remarkable about the poets on the show was how utterly crappy they were. Then again, one couldn't really blame them, it's not their fault that they have no talent and that the theme (irrestibility) was stupider than that kid in your grade three class who wore the helmet and put glue in his pants (fuck I hated that kid).
So, I figured that instead of just bitching about it (which I guess I've just done) I would also do something about it. Namely hold my own poetry face off here but with a kick ass theme, rather than a lame ass one. Oh, I guess you'd like to know what that theme is: violence and/or profanity. To prove that we (you and I) are better than the talentless hacks on the CBC (at least when it comes to kick ass poetry), I challenge you to write a haiku (because that's the badest ass form of poetry; 5 syllables, 7 syllables, then 5 more syllables, that's almost Chuck Norriseque) that is about (or is full of) violence and/or (preferably and) profanity. Here's my entry.
I hate those fuckers. Lame, pompous, no-talent hacks. I want to punch them.
There's a phenomenon that I really don't understand that I felt that I should comment on. In the past few years I've noticed that animal rights groups like PETA have turned to celebrities, the most air-headed celebrities at that, such as Paul McCartney, Avril Lavigne, Benji Madden, and Alec Baldwin, to push their positions.
I think this says something terrible about our society. We don't listen to ecologists, ethicists, or people who know something about the impacts of our actions. Instead, we listen to people with big boobies or symmetrical faces that barely know anything about their own "art" forms (I know some of you are going to argue that Paul McCartney is one of the greatest song writers of our era but you're just wrong) let alone anything about animal rights or the impacts of environmental policy.
Seriously, this is one of those things that makes me want to punch.
Here is the American history of the mullet, in less than 150 words:
1845: James K. Polk is sworn in as the 11th president of the United States, and the first public figure in the nation's history to sport a mullet.
1954: Michael Bolton is born.
1972: David Bowie adopts his mulleted Ziggy Stardust persona, launching the haircut into popular culture.
1991: The mullet hits its cultural peak, with the biggest movie star (Mel Gibson), biggest television star (Jerry Seinfeld) and most popular singer (Bolton) all wearing the haircut.
1995: The Beastie Boys go on an anti-mullet campaign, making fun of the haircut in interviews and with the song "Mullet Head."
1996: Metallica releases "Load," revealing new short haircuts. Chaos in the mullet community ensues.
2005: Lanky fastballer and mullet holdout Randy Johnson joins the New York Yankees, and cuts his hair. This leaves former Journey front man Steve Perry as the last celebrity in the world with a mullet.
Tonight I reaffirmed my deep seated belief that there's nothing better in this world than sitting outside under a sky full of stars smoking a Romeo y Julieta number 1. While I was doing that though, I remembered a rather funny episode that I was a party to eight years ago when I was living in residence at the University of Calgary.
At that point in time I was a unrepentant alcoholic who's favorite past time was starting bar brawls. As such a few of my best friends (aka guys I liked to go out drinking with) were a few of the Dinos defensive linemen. When you like to brawl, it's nice to have a couple 6'8" 300 pounders there to watch your back.
One night after enough tequila to poison an elephant and a sizable brawl at some crappy Electric Avenue bar (I think it was Coconut Joe's) my friends and I decided it would be a good idea to go play some football in the dark. While we were heading out to the practice fields we ran into a friend of mine who's father sent him a humidor full of Cohibas as part of a care package. So we decided it would be even more fun to play full contact football while smoking $40 Cuban cigars.
However, after a few plays we had decided that we were far too drunk and it was far too dark to actually play (I think we lost the ball as well). So we were left standing out there with half smoked cigars and rapidly oncoming boredom. So someone suggested that we play a game and see who would be tough enough to put out a cigar on their own forehead. I and my friend who had provided the cigars were lucid enough to realize that cigars, unlike cigarettes, don't really go out when you press them against human flesh, the embers are just too large.
However, before we had the opportunity to warn our friends that their plan was poorly thought out they had already proceeded to stab their Cohibas into their brows. Suffice it to say the luckiest of them walked away with only second degree burns (I guess they were too drunk and too macho to stop trying to put out their cigars when it became quite apparent that the cigars weren't extinguishing).
That was pretty funny but what was more funny was that they all had practice the next morning and practice meant wearing helmets that rest on their foreheads then smashing those helmets into each other and random relatively immovable objects. When they got back to the dorms each of them was bleeding profusely.
The moral of this story: go out drinking with football players, they're an amusing bunch (then again some of my rugby teammates were quite amusing also; on one occassion a couple of them got drunk enough that they stabbed each other in the leg to prove how tough they were).